This is on my mind because last week I got into a discussion online (🤦🏻‍♀️) about women leaving the workforce after having kids, because the system isn’t set up to support them.

I sent out my positive vibes and ended by saying, “By leaving the current system, we help everyone move forward towards a better future of work.”

The poster responded thoughtfully, “I am always torn between the delicate balance of “burn it all down” and “solve from within.” If the majority of people leaving are marginalized, are they set up to beat the existing system and create something new?”

I responded respectfully and conversationally, though never got another response myself.

I think it’s a nice thought, that you can reform from within.

But, I also think that it’s a way we lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better.

The whole notion is based upon the belief that you need to be part of the power structure in order to have power. And if you believe that, then you will always be motivated to keep the power you have within the existing power structure.

You’ll be torn. You’ll want to make change, but you won’t be willing to ruffle the feathers. You’ll become complicit.

My point, here, isn’t that we should leave all systems because they are inherently bad. It’s that we need more honesty with ourselves about what systems we’re a part of, and why. Otherwise, it’s a recipe for cognitive dissonance >> anxiety >> burn out. (That’s just one possible outcome.)

I’m not here to laden guilt or responsibility on you for being part of systems you wish didn’t exist.

But, I do want to probe, just a bit more.

For example, I saw this post on LinkedIn by Dion Rabouin who was a reporter at the Wall Street Journal until last week when he was laid off. I am not familiar with Dion beyond this single post.

In this post, he talks about his happiness and gratitude for his time at the WSJ. He highlights a couple of things he most enjoyed, but then makes a pretty dramatic turn.

Rather than the post being about what WSJ offered him in his career, he focuses on how he is able to remain “Zen” despite being laid off. And it’s because he’s been investing his money for the past 16 years.

I was prepared for the post to turn into a sales pitch, so I was so surprised (and delighted!) when I kept reading and found this:

”And it's not about the money. It's about the security I've been able to have in knowing that no job defined me. No employer, no boss, no company was going to control me. So, I was able to go into WSJ and fight for the things I cared about and push back on things I disagreed with and go to management and tell folks to their faces that I didn't like what they were doing. I was able to do the job the way I wanted to do it and in a way that was honest to myself because I wasn't worried that I might get fired for it.”

Dion is beyond the system!

And, while I am not vouching for him (since I don’t know him or his work), I will say that I want reporters to be beyond the system. Don’t you? Otherwise it would be propaganda, right?

Back in 2019 when I first opened my career coaching business, the only models for businesses like mine that I could find, that were run by women, were built on Instagram.

A system in which for a woman to be in business she also has to be a model, show a desirable lifestyle and overshare about her personal life.

That system wreaked havoc on me.

It led me to a decision point: either the business had to go, or the system had to go.

I’m so glad I chose to leave the Instagram system.

I found freedom in building a business set up for people who were ready to buy by optimizing for Google and local (rather than the longtail influencer approach of social media).

I got to put all of the mental energy that used to go into social media, into my actual business and services for my clients. That’s what led to amazing results, testimonials and referrals.

Obviously, running a business is more than just how you market it. And also obviously, I have a lot to learn about running a truly financially sustainable business. Otherwise I wouldn’t have closed my coaching business to go back to the full-time employment system.

*My coaching business is now re-open in a new capacity!

Alas, I am grateful everyday that I made the decision 4+ years ago to leave Instagram and never turn back. I get emails sometimes from other women who are considering leaving the gram and stumble across my blog, and their desperation is palpable.

Here’s a rule of thumb: if you’re worn out, exhausted or consistently agitated by the circumstances in your life, it’s probably because you’re trying to operate within a system that no longer serves you.

What could it look like to step out of that system?

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I hope this letter inspires you to prioritize yourself over the system this week. ❤

Warmly,
Jennifer